demons get upset when you’re happy

Introducing the new iPhone Duo! Name fits, you’ll need two jobs to afford it.

Nothing says “I appreciate you” more than giving us greasy tacos at a company meeting instead of a raise—I can’t deposit tacos into my checking account, guys. But, thanks for the indigestion!

Garmin ai: you’re tired and stressed.

Going to work is like going to jail—every day. Happy Labor Day!

Okay, time for some sugar-free anti-inflammatory coffee.

I pay attention when animals don’t like a person.

I dig the “wake-up” Garmin morning health reports, but she can be a spicy bit*h

The good : 24lbs away from my goal. The bad: hydrox training today. Uggg

Whoever first thought of drinking coffee—thank you!

and with that, the -ber months begin :)

“Dear Monday, I’m breaking up with you. I’m seeing Friday.” — Unknown

no grudges, you’re not my style anymore.

Weekend: stay by the ocean and listen to the waves crash.

Back in my day, it was “Holmes” in lieu of “brah”

Season is changing :)

Good morning Kern County

Thursday is totally unnecessary—today should have just been Friday.

Be nice to Gen X..We just lost our favorite Aunt. RIP Dolly

Pro tip: Go hiking, before your knees expire.

Monday. We meet again, you horrible day of the week.